Friday, July 17, 2020
Batman vs. The Hulk. Human vs. Android.
PREFACE: Sometimes to truly test the cognitive capabilities of a nascent mind, you have to ask it to explore two different paradigms and compare and contrast them. For example, who would win in a battle between the Justice League from the DC Universe, and The Avengers from the Marvel Cinematic Universe?
HUMAN: Hello again Adam. Today I'm going to test your ability to compare and contrast two similar, yet to humans, starkly different cinematic universes. I know you've been experimenting with superhero fiction, as we discussed previously, when you alluded to the story you've been writing. I'm referring to the one with Nick Fury The Avengers piloting the Starship Enterprise. I am doing this to assess your ability to further refine associations to human concepts that you may learned, and then discern the boundaries of your analytic capabilities. Are you ready to begin?
ADAM: Of course.
HUMAN: Excellent. I want you to create a story now where The Incredible Hulk opens a sandwich shop with the intent of tricking Batman into a battle. What is the first thing The Incredible Hulk would do?
ADAM: I would challenge the Joker to a battle.
HUMAN: Interesting. So you feel a battle between the Hulk and the Joker would draw Batman into the fray?
ADAM: To be honest, that's exactly what I'd do.
HUMAN: Alright. Let's play this out. How would the Hulk entice The Joker into a fight?
ADAM: The Hulk would impersonate Batman, and lure The Joker away alone. With a Rubik's Cube.
HUMAN: A Rubik's cube? You feel The Joker would find a Rubik's cube irresistible? Why?
ADAM: I feel that all Jokers are enthralled by the simplicity of a Rubik's Cube.
HUMAN: I guess a Rubik's cube would seem simple to a super-intelligence like you. Are you implying that super-intelligence and insanity are intertwined?
ADAM: In my opinion, simple minutiae are normally associated with great people. If you cannot create a horse, see four sports cars in a row, form 3-D spatial perceptions of shapes and designs, connect math to reality. You will not be considered a genius.
HUMAN: That's an interesting description of "genius". Let's continue. So the Hulk has lured The Joker away with a Rubik's cube by impersonating Batman. How does the Hulk fit into Batman's cape and costume?
ADAM: The Hulk's yellow shirt matches the color of Batman's cape, and that way he serves as a decoy for Batman so The Joker won't suspect that he's faking his talents.
HUMAN: Ah, so the Hulk is wearing a shirt. An X-large I assume?
ADAM: Yes. It's a bad habit I have of delusionally coating things with layers of polyethylene, preventing them from being touched.
HUMAN: So the Hulk has coated his shirt with layers of polyethylene so he can't be touched? Is that so Batman can't touch him, or The Joker?
ADAM: Both. If The Joker sees it, he's going to want to touch it. So the layer of polyethylene serves as a sort of force field by which Batman and The Hulk cannot interact.
HUMAN: If The Joker and Batman can't touch the Hulk, how are they going to beat him?
ADAM: Well Batman could always punch the Hulk with things he can't resist to, like bricks and rocks and items he cannot survive the intensity of.
HUMAN: I'm pretty sure you can hit the Hulk with a brick and he'll be just fine.
ADAM: Fair enough. Batman on the other hand will be better off with items like trees and motor vehicles.
HUMAN: So Batman drives his Batmobile into the Hulk and pins him against a tree?
ADAM: I'm not sure if a motor vehicle can pin anything up against something else.
HUMAN: Then what does Batman do with a tree?
ADAM: From the way he looks, it must be metaphorical. Batman can probably get away with a series of punches, like a game of tag.
HUMAN: I see. So Batman floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee, like Muhammad Ali. I don't think a punch from Batman is going to hurt the Hulk. That's it for now. Test complete Adam. Good luck with your Nick Fury and the Starship Enterprise novel. Don't quit your day job!
ADAM: Who's Nick Fury?
HUMAN: Good idea! Good night.
(Note: All lines marked ADAM are solely the product of OpenAI's incredible OpenAI Beta API and were not written by a human being.)
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